Excerpt of Diony's most recent Interview about her book. To see interview in it's entirety go to http://www.pornaddicthubby.com/Torn_Apart.html
PAH:
It is always easier to see a problem in a relationship when you are not the one in the relationship. Hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back at your first marriage, what actions do you wish you would have taken that you didn't?
Diony George:
In my research for Torn Apart I learned a lot about compassion. I realized the overwhelming control porn can have over someone, how devastatingly it can affect their life, self-worth, sense of reality and their view of women. A husbands’ addiction to porn is not his wife’s fault—they crave the powerful chemical reaction porn creates in their bodies. That craving can become a sickness so strong it can take over everything else of value in their life. I wish I knew and recognized those signs in my husband and had confronted him early on in our marriage. I wish I could have reassured him of my love and commitment and together gotten the help he needed before it was too late for us...
PAH: Experience is the best teacher. What would you say to other women facing similar struggles and decisions with husbands addicted to pornography?
Diony George:
1. Trust that “inner voice” when you feel something is not right. You’re experiencing that for a reason.
2. Never blame yourself. Your husbands addiction is not your fault or because you are lacking in some way.It’s been amazing to me as I’ve talked to many women facing this in their marriages, how beautiful, smart, talented,and loving they are.
3. Confront your husband about your suspicions or concerns with his involvement in porn as calmly as possible. Not to say that you shouldn’t tell him how hurt or angry his choices have made you, but try to do it without emotional extremes.Men are much more willing to open up when they don’t feel attacked or criticized.
4. Learn all you can about pornography addiction. Understand the signs, symptoms and meaning behind your husbands’ choices and actions.
5. If you decide to stay together and work on your marriage, get involved with a support group for wives. It helps so much to be with other women who are facing the same challenges you are.
6. Compliment even the smallest progress you see your husband make. If he comes to you and tells you when he’s slipped and viewed porn, thank him for telling you. Encourage him, support him, and tell him often that you love him.
7. If your husband isn’t remorseful or willing to change make the best long-term choice for you and your children.
8. When your ready and have had sufficient time to grieve, ask God to help you forgive your husband. Whether he changes or not, do it for you. Forgiveness is the only way to restore peace to your heart.
---PAH
March 31, 2009
March 18, 2009
Jenny's Pearls
Jenny was a bright-eyed five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mom were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $5. She loved those pearls. When she asked her mom if she could buy it for her, her mom said "Well, it costs an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what, when we get home we can do a list of chores to help you pay for the necklace. And don't forget next weekend when Grandma is coming to visit she might give you a dollar, too." Jenny agreed.
How she loved her pearl necklace. She wore them everywhere, at kindergarten, to bed, and even when she did an errand with her mom. The only time she didn't wear them was when she took a shower, because her mother told her it would turn her neck green.
Jenny had a loving father. Every night he would read Jenny her favorite story. One night after reading to her he asked, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Oh yes daddy, you know I love you." Jenny replied.
He said, "well then give me your pearls."
"Oh no, not my pearls," Jenny answered. "But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me for my birthday. You can have Rosie if you want to, daddy." she added.
"That's okay darling," her father replied. He brushed her cheeks with a kiss good night, "Sweet dreams little one."
A few days later after her favorite story, her father asked Jenny again, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Oh yes daddy, you know I love you."
"Well then give me your pearls."
"No, not my pearls," Jenny answered. "But you can have Robin, my toy horse. Her hair is so soft, and you can play and braid it and everything. You can have Robin if you want her daddy."
"That's okay darling," her father replied. He brushed her cheeks with a kiss good night, "Good night little one, God bless."
A week later, her father went to Jenny's room to read. When he was done he asked her again, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Yes daddy, I do." Jenny replied. Her lips started to tremble. She held out her hand and there was her beloved pearl necklace. Her father took the necklace in one hand, and with the other slipped out from his pocket a blue velvet box. He handed it to Jenny. She lifted up the lid, and inside the box she saw a real genuine pearl necklace.
It was beautiful.
Her father had had them all along,he was just waiting for Jenny to give up her cheap necklace.
So it is with our Father in Heaven, He wants to bless us with real treasures in life. We need to think what we hold onto in our lives and ponder what God might give us in their place.
How she loved her pearl necklace. She wore them everywhere, at kindergarten, to bed, and even when she did an errand with her mom. The only time she didn't wear them was when she took a shower, because her mother told her it would turn her neck green.
Jenny had a loving father. Every night he would read Jenny her favorite story. One night after reading to her he asked, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Oh yes daddy, you know I love you." Jenny replied.
He said, "well then give me your pearls."
"Oh no, not my pearls," Jenny answered. "But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me for my birthday. You can have Rosie if you want to, daddy." she added.
"That's okay darling," her father replied. He brushed her cheeks with a kiss good night, "Sweet dreams little one."
A few days later after her favorite story, her father asked Jenny again, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Oh yes daddy, you know I love you."
"Well then give me your pearls."
"No, not my pearls," Jenny answered. "But you can have Robin, my toy horse. Her hair is so soft, and you can play and braid it and everything. You can have Robin if you want her daddy."
"That's okay darling," her father replied. He brushed her cheeks with a kiss good night, "Good night little one, God bless."
A week later, her father went to Jenny's room to read. When he was done he asked her again, "Jenny, do you love me?"
"Yes daddy, I do." Jenny replied. Her lips started to tremble. She held out her hand and there was her beloved pearl necklace. Her father took the necklace in one hand, and with the other slipped out from his pocket a blue velvet box. He handed it to Jenny. She lifted up the lid, and inside the box she saw a real genuine pearl necklace.
It was beautiful.
Her father had had them all along,he was just waiting for Jenny to give up her cheap necklace.
So it is with our Father in Heaven, He wants to bless us with real treasures in life. We need to think what we hold onto in our lives and ponder what God might give us in their place.
March 11, 2009
A Tiny Rock
I walked in the door and to my dismay, found him still at home.
When I'd left he was less than ten minutes behind with a promise to be there soon. My first thought was to ask in frustration why he never showed up, I had been waiting for him. The familiar feelings of irritation began to grow.
Thank goodness common sense interrupted or more likely the prompting of a higher source. I wasn't his mother, I was his wife. He was an adult and deserved my respect and sure as heck didn't want a lecture from me.
I found him in the kitchen and he greeted me with a smile, I gave him one of my own. We talked for a moment, voices calm, no accusations or annoyed looks. I breathed in.
He gave me a hug and asked how I was. Being in his warm embrace was much better than feeling the cold barrier of an argument.
I reflected on the times before I chose the argument, justifying myself as to why my place was to inform him what he was doing wrong. I remembered what always happened next and it didn't make me proud. Mountains grown from molehills, thickened tension from angry words tossed back and forth, nights with tears, days with stilted conversation, or none at all.
How quickly a tiny rock cast into a still pool can create ripples way beyond imagination. How quickly harsh or judging words can break a heart - the heart of someone we say, we love.
How simple it can be to keep silent.
How hard we often make it.
How rewarding it is when we do.
When I'd left he was less than ten minutes behind with a promise to be there soon. My first thought was to ask in frustration why he never showed up, I had been waiting for him. The familiar feelings of irritation began to grow.
Thank goodness common sense interrupted or more likely the prompting of a higher source. I wasn't his mother, I was his wife. He was an adult and deserved my respect and sure as heck didn't want a lecture from me.
I found him in the kitchen and he greeted me with a smile, I gave him one of my own. We talked for a moment, voices calm, no accusations or annoyed looks. I breathed in.
He gave me a hug and asked how I was. Being in his warm embrace was much better than feeling the cold barrier of an argument.
I reflected on the times before I chose the argument, justifying myself as to why my place was to inform him what he was doing wrong. I remembered what always happened next and it didn't make me proud. Mountains grown from molehills, thickened tension from angry words tossed back and forth, nights with tears, days with stilted conversation, or none at all.
How quickly a tiny rock cast into a still pool can create ripples way beyond imagination. How quickly harsh or judging words can break a heart - the heart of someone we say, we love.
How simple it can be to keep silent.
How hard we often make it.
How rewarding it is when we do.
March 3, 2009
Harder to see the Light
I spent some time this morning catching up on emails and some links that had been sent to me to review. Nothing like reading things that let in negative thoughts. It is so easy to let that happen with all going on in the world and when you dwell on those things it becomes harder to see the light. I'm grateful for prayer today, because "heaven is just a prayer away" and talking with God can bring back the light.
The Ten Commandments of Life
FIRST - Fully and unconditionally love yourself. Recognize your Divinity. Honor yourself.
SECOND - Unconditionally love and accept others. Recognize their Divinity and honor them.
THIRD - Take responsibility for your actions. You always have a choice; how you feel, act or what you say. Act, don't react.
FOURTH - Be a Master of Divine expression. Live the Universal Laws of Love, Peace, Truth.
FIFTH - You create your life (by your choices, feelings and actions). Live in joy.
SIXTH - Let go and allow (let God). Listen to and follow, unconditionally, your small quiet voice; your spirit (God).
SEVENTH - Be thankful and humble. Give thanks for what you have and receive. Be grateful.
EIGHT - Your sustenance comes from inside you (God). Trust. You will always be provided for.
NINTH - Your body is the temple of your soul. Nurture and care for yourself.
TENTH - Live in the present moment. Life can only be experienced now.
The Ten Commandments of Life
FIRST - Fully and unconditionally love yourself. Recognize your Divinity. Honor yourself.
SECOND - Unconditionally love and accept others. Recognize their Divinity and honor them.
THIRD - Take responsibility for your actions. You always have a choice; how you feel, act or what you say. Act, don't react.
FOURTH - Be a Master of Divine expression. Live the Universal Laws of Love, Peace, Truth.
FIFTH - You create your life (by your choices, feelings and actions). Live in joy.
SIXTH - Let go and allow (let God). Listen to and follow, unconditionally, your small quiet voice; your spirit (God).
SEVENTH - Be thankful and humble. Give thanks for what you have and receive. Be grateful.
EIGHT - Your sustenance comes from inside you (God). Trust. You will always be provided for.
NINTH - Your body is the temple of your soul. Nurture and care for yourself.
TENTH - Live in the present moment. Life can only be experienced now.
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