He says "...looking at porn makes my heart beat really, really fast."

One wife wrote:

I found an amazing book thanks to a link on your website. When Good Men are Tempted, by Bill Perkins. My husband wasn't to happy I bought it. I told him it was important to me and we started reading it. It has been so good and given insight to how men's minds work. It describes in very simple, flat-out and honest reasons why men enjoy the sight of naked women. The best part is it has gotten my husband communicating more than ever. Before he wouldn't talk in detail or about what he was thinking, it was me prying painfully for the truth.


The book has questions for a couple to discuss together and my husband has actually been talking to me about...deeper things. Its great. For example, the other day he said, "You know why I find myself wanting to look at porn occasionally? Usually I'm bored or something, but looking at porn makes my heart beat really, really fast. It's like this adrenaline rush, and I like how that adrenaline feels." It was comforting to have him lay things out for me like that.

The other day he looked at a provocative magazine at an auto parts store (getting something he needed innocently and was targeted by trash). He told me the SAME day it happened. He looked at this car magazine because it had girls in string bikinis laying in suggestive positions. I don't think he's ever told me anything right away like that. He usually hides things for months.

Later that night he told me, "You know, I feel like if I just always tell you about any small incidents or mistakes I make it will help me not want to do it again, and help it not evolve to bigger or worse things, like internet porn, or whatever. I really do want to tell you things. You handle it better now, and I feel good about telling you. I think I can do it. Its going to keep me out of big trouble"

I felt that was true. The warm feelings we had at that moment were amazing. I can't even explain. If he can really be truthful all the time about the smallest of incidents, he can keep himself accountable and out of bigger trouble. When he hides, which was the cycle of our past, it was killing me. He'd fall into trouble through hiding, which evolved to more frequent viewings. Dishonesty is the only thing that can still kill us. I can't handle it. It sparks paranoia in me that almost makes me dysfunctional in daily life.

I have hope. Things are looking good for us. The communication is better than ever, and is helping me greatly. We're always affectionate to each other, we're lucky to have that, he does pour alot of love on me and it helps too. No one should have to be married to someone who does things behind their back.

I know things won't always be this blissful, marriage has proved to be a roller coaster for us; either very, very, extra wonderful beyond what we can explain, or very dark and hard due to porn. I feel stronger for what may come in the future, pray the honesty sticks and my husband never finds his problem evolving into something deep and dark. I know he has a good heart, he does love me, and he does love God. I can stick by someone who makes mistakes as long as they admit them and work on them with a diligent heart.

There are women in the same shoes I was in a few months ago...hopeless, scared, hurting, husbands lying, paranoid. My husband had followed a dishonest cycle and in my mind, I didn't see it ending. The endlesness to our problems seemed real and frightening. I thought I should leave a few times. But then there were stories of woman whose marriages had made it, but they had to stick through some hard times. I couldn't see myself being those woman saying, "Here I am. I faced the darkness of porn. I felt the pain. I can honestly say I've healed and my marriage is healing. You can survive this. "

I thought where do these woman come from? That can't be me. It's too painful. I don't feel like I'm surviving, I feel like I'm withering away. Now here I am saying I'm happy, and there is hope. I can't believe it. I'm rarely paranoid, I'm not fully healed, but getting there. My husband and I are happy together. I can't say I know porn won't come back and try to destroy our marriage. I can't say it will not lead to our divorce someday. If my husband gives in and gives up I can't control that. I will leave if he does, for now, he's doing what he should be doing. I'm doing what I should be doing, were working together. I won't worry about the future, I'll enjoy the present and try to build the best future I can.