From Experience

Excerpt of Diony's most recent Interview about her book. To see interview in it's entirety go to http://www.pornaddicthubby.com/Torn_Apart.html

PAH:
It is always easier to see a problem in a relationship when you are not the one in the relationship. Hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back at your first marriage, what actions do you wish you would have taken that you didn't?

Diony George:
In my research for Torn Apart I learned a lot about compassion. I realized the overwhelming control porn can have over someone, how devastatingly it can affect their life, self-worth, sense of reality and their view of women. A husbands’ addiction to porn is not his wife’s fault—they crave the powerful chemical reaction porn creates in their bodies. That craving can become a sickness so strong it can take over everything else of value in their life. I wish I knew and recognized those signs in my husband and had confronted him early on in our marriage. I wish I could have reassured him of my love and commitment and together gotten the help he needed before it was too late for us...

PAH: Experience is the best teacher. What would you say to other women facing similar struggles and decisions with husbands addicted to pornography?

Diony George:

1. Trust that “inner voice” when you feel something is not right. You’re experiencing that for a reason.

2. Never blame yourself. Your husbands addiction is not your fault or because you are lacking in some way.It’s been amazing to me as I’ve talked to many women facing this in their marriages, how beautiful, smart, talented,and loving they are.

3. Confront your husband about your suspicions or concerns with his involvement in porn as calmly as possible. Not to say that you shouldn’t tell him how hurt or angry his choices have made you, but try to do it without emotional extremes.Men are much more willing to open up when they don’t feel attacked or criticized.

4. Learn all you can about pornography addiction. Understand the signs, symptoms and meaning behind your husbands’ choices and actions.

5. If you decide to stay together and work on your marriage, get involved with a support group for wives. It helps so much to be with other women who are facing the same challenges you are.

6. Compliment even the smallest progress you see your husband make. If he comes to you and tells you when he’s slipped and viewed porn, thank him for telling you. Encourage him, support him, and tell him often that you love him.

7. If your husband isn’t remorseful or willing to change make the best long-term choice for you and your children.

8. When your ready and have had sufficient time to grieve, ask God to help you forgive your husband. Whether he changes or not, do it for you. Forgiveness is the only way to restore peace to your heart.

---PAH