My name is Scott, and I'm addicted to pornography.
It's been one year, seven months and 21 days since my last episode.
My battle with pornography raged on for the better part of my life, starting as early as I can remember. I truly believed that I would never rid myself of it. I harmed countless individuals through neglect, shame and embarrassment. My wife has suffered more than she should ever have had to suffer, and at the hands of the man she loved.
My recovery has been an amazing journey of light and promise, a spiritual journey I never would have thought possible. I have broken the bands of shame and left my burdens to the Lord who has joyfully accepted them.
Over the last year I have shared my story with a select few. The more times I tell the story the more I am liberated from it and the more I come to realize that many, many, many of my brothers struggle with the same shame.
It is time for the shame to end. Satan has unleashed his greatest weapon among men and is destroying entire harvests of Gods most valiant servants. I cannot in good conscience keep my problem to myself. I will shout it from the rooftops. I will open myself up to all of you, my most dear and precious family and friends.
I know there are many of you who are fighting the same fight. The only way to win that fight is to join together, brothers in Gods army. Release yourself from the shame that binds you to your addiction. Tell somebody, talk to a friend, your bishop, to a therapist, you can talk to me; anybody, just start talking, and you won't believe how liberating it will be. Satan wants you to stay hidden, quiet, alone, and overwhelmed. Don't listen to him. Find somebody and open up.
A few months ago my wife and I were asked to speak about the blessings that come to us when we live the lives the Lord has asked us to live. When I wrote it, I could not believe I was really considering delivering it. I openly spoke about my addiction to the entire congregation. Some were embarrassed for me, some were embarrassed for my wife, but most were deeply moved by my candor.
More important was how I felt after giving the talk. I was completely stripped of all shame, on my knees in humility, completely at the mercy of my brothers and sisters. But I had never felt so tall in my life; I have never felt so much power over my addiction. I knew that on my knees in humility, I stood with God and I could never stand taller!
I can stay quiet no longer. In tears, I beg all of you who struggle, and I believe this has touched all of our lives. Let us band together and stand against this terrible wave of filth.
I love you all more than I have ever, or could ever tell you. There is hope, there is love, there is forgiveness and there is a life free of pornography.
With all my heart,
Scott
P.S. please feel free to share this with anyone and everyone you think it could help.
Scott (and Diony) - Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I know so many whose lives have been affected by pornography. I appreciate hearing your experiences.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this message.
ReplyDeleteThis addiction truly is horrible, and to make things worse most of the people do not even know this problem exists, or think it is real.
I remember when I began to suspect that I might have been addicted, I went to see a psychologist and was told that it was a normal human behavior, after I shared that I've spend more than 40 hours a week watching pornography,and couldn't stop.
I am in recovery now. It is not perfect, my life still has difficulties, and sometimes I stumble...
But I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel so blessed to have been awakened. I no longer feel like a live a double life, and I am so proud that I have no secrets from my girlfriend, who is hopefully soon going to become my wife.
I hope we will have more people sharing their message, helping our society to recover from this horrible problem.