Hope After Suicide by Wendy Parmley

About the book:

We all have a story—hidden secrets buried in dark and rocky earth. Our task is to unearth—to release the pain and discover the good, discover the healing, discover the love. Uncovering the darkness makes space for the light. 

After her mother took her own life, Wendy Parmley learned firsthand the heartache, despair, and loneliness that accompanies losing a loved one to suicide. At one point she even contemplated taking her own life as well. In this uplifting true narrative, you too can discover how to 

Forgive yourself and others 
Open your heart 
Seek help when you need it 
Draw closer to the divine 

Embrace the light and learn how to heal your soul and overcome loss as you read this touching and tender account of a woman opening her heart years after her mother’s suicide.

EXCERPT:

The room was filled to overflowing with flowers gifted in Mom's memory--red roses, pink carnations, white daisies--all of Mom's favorites. They represented her life, cut short like blossoms cut from the bush. The rose heart wreath labeled Mom stood at the head of the casket as if to remind the world she was  my mom. And that she was no more.

..."Wendy, do you want to give her a kiss before they close the casket?" one man asked. I shuddered at the thought and shook my head no. I couldn't kiss her cold, dead flesh. But I couldn't stop staring. I bit  my lip as they opened the bottom half of the casket so we could see her whole body one last time. I went up and touched her hand again--still dead. I felt out of body too--as cold as Mom. Dead.

And then they closed the casket. I couldn't breathe. My head was whirling. The room was spinning. I couldn't see her. I couldn't touch  her. I wouldn't feel her ever again. She was gone forever. And I  couldn't keep back the tears.

No! I wanted to shout. God don't take her away from us!

I wanted to throw my body on top of Mom's and fight with all my power and might to prevent that door from closing. I wanted to save Mom from the darkness--to rescue her from death and keep her with me. She can't go, I cried from deep within myself. I still need her! No!

A piece of my soul left my body and followed Mom into the darkness--that deep abyss--and lay down next to Mom to be buried with her. The closed casket was suffocating, but try as I might, I couldn't claw my way out. I couldn't open the door. I  couldn't see the light. I was dead.

Reviews and readers comments: 

--"There is no question that suicide and suicidal thoughts have led people through some very dark and seemingly hopeless moments which are difficult to understand unless you have personally faced suicide. Regardless of your personal experiences, you will have your perceptions on this subject challenged and expanded. Wendy enables the reader to not only share her journey, but also her hope." --Chaplain Dean L. Jackson, Provo Police Department.

--"During the past 12 years of serving on the HOPE Task Force, I have seen the devastating impact suicide has on those left behind. Some lose their hope, faith and reason for living, and are unable to move forward and embrace living again. Others choose to approach life from a more loving, giving and understanding stance and vow to learn from their loved one's death. Everyone's journey in finding healing is different and the amount of time it takes to heal and move forward can vary.

Hope From Suicide is a beautifully written account of one woman's journey from devastation to hope and healing. The author's account of her healing journey through being a child who loses her mother to suicide, with all of the feelings of hopelessness, being alone, afraid and powerless, to a woman who finds forgiveness, happiness and hope is inspiring and empowering. The book encourages the reader to embrace life again after a loved one's suicide with love, forgiveness and a new sense of hope."
                                                                   --Lisa Bullock, Intuitive Coach

--"Beautifully written!!! Wendy takes us with her on her journey, which is not always an easy one, as she struggles to accept the darkness of her past, deal with it head on, and then emerge into the light. I appreciate the honest way in which she tells every detail, including things that must have been hard to share. Nothing is sugar-coated here, but still, the overwhelming theme is one of hope, unconditional acceptance, and love. This is a book about healing, not despair. Well-done!"

--"After decades of burying unimaginable pain, anger, fear, and shame, Wendy slowly embraces, and owns, her story of her mother's suicide and it's ramifications. She shows us how to love unconditionally and to have a deeper understanding of the depths of pain and suffering. It is incredibly brave and courageous to write with such honesty. She holds no grudges or blame, and learns to truly love and heal by writing her story for us all to read and learn from. I loved how she wove together the present and the past and shared her most intimate thoughts and feelings no matter how hard it must have been to write."

About the author:

  Prior to a disabling bicycle accident in 2011, Wendy spent nearly two years searching for answers related to her mother’s suicide death when Wendy was just twelve years old and the oldest of five children. She poured through her old journals, read her dad’s and grandmother’s memoirs, listened to funeral and family home evening tapes, and interviewed countless friends and family members including her former bishop, his wife, and the former police chief in order to discover truth.

Following her bicycle accident, Wendy’s injuries prohibited her return to work as a nurse manager at a local hospital. She left behind her 20 year nursing career and began organizing and writing from the information she had previously gathered.

Wendy has long advocated for suicide prevention and has participated on various professional and community based groups dedicated to that end. She also recognizes the need to unashamedly support those who must continue to live in the painful aftermath of a loved one’s suicide and passionately lends her voice to that cause.

Wendy earned her nursing degree from UVU in 1991 and her MBA from Brigham Young University in 2007. She has three sons and daughters-in-law, one daughter, and two beautiful grandchildren. She and her husband Mark live in Orem, Utah.