We can’t not be diligent in teaching our children about the dangers of pornography,or helping those who are caught in its grasp, break free. Its contribution to broken homes and violent crimes is too close, and too real.
http://www.getnetwise.org/ Keeping Children Safe Online
http://www.no-porn.com Keys to Recovery
Excerpts from Fatal Addiction - Ted Bundy's Final Interview—
Bundy, a good-looking, intelligent law student, learned to lure women into his car by various forms of deception. By the time he was apprehended, Bundy had killed at least twenty-eight young women and girls in acts too horrible to contemplate. He was finally convicted and sentenced to death
A road that leads to nowhere
When Ted Bundy was thirteen years old, he discovered “dirty magazines” in a dump near his home. He was instantly captivated by them. In time, Bundy became more and more addicted to violent images in magazines and videos. He got his kicks from seeing women being tortured and murdered. When he tired of that, there was only one place his addiction could go - from fantasy to reality.
…I grew up in a wonderful home with two dedicated and loving parents, as one of 5 brothers and sisters. We, as children, were the focus of my parent’s lives. We regularly attended church. My parents did not drink or smoke or gamble. There was no physical abuse or fighting in the home. I’m not saying it was “Leave it to Beaver”, but it was a fine, solid Christian home.
As a young boy of 12 or 13, I encountered, outside the home, in the local grocery and drug stores, softcore pornography. Young boys explore the sideways and byways of their neighborhoods, and in our neighborhood, people would dump the garbage. From time to time, we would come across books of a harder nature - more graphic. This also included detective magazines, etc., and I want to emphasize this. The most damaging kind of pornography - is that that involves violence and sexual violence. The wedding of those two forces - as I know only too well - brings about behavior that is too terrible to describe.
I’m not blaming pornography. I’m not saying it caused me to go out and do certain things. I take full responsibility for all the things that I’ve done. That’s not the question here. The issue is how this kind of literature contributed and helped mold and shape the kinds of violent behavior.
I wasn’t some guy hanging out in bars, or a bum. I wasn’t a pervert in the sense that people look at somebody and say, “I know there’s something wrong with him.” I was a normal person. I had good friends. I led a normal life, except for this one, small but very potent and destructive segment that I kept very secret and close to myself. Those of us who have been so influenced by violence in the media, particularly pornographic violence, are not some kind of inherent monsters. We are your sons and husbands. We grew up in regular families. Pornography can reach in and snatch a kid out of any house today. It snatched me out of my home 20 or 30 years ago. As diligent as my parents were, and they were diligent in protecting their children, and as good a Christian home as we had, there is no protection against the kinds of influences that are loose in a society that tolerates....
I’ve lived in prison for a long time now, and I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence. Without exception, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography - deeply consumed by the addiction.
To read the complete interview go to: http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/understanding/a0000082.cfm
Showing posts with label dangers of pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dangers of pornography. Show all posts
January 7, 2009
October 17, 2008
The weaker we feel the harder we lean on God
...and the harder we lean, the stronger we grow. -J.E. Tada
Do you ever wake up in the morning after a long rest and feel tired? Tired because your worries and concerns about things in your life are weighing you down? Do we add the burdens of others to our already heavy load?
Everyone is born into this world with the gift of agency. No one can take it away even if they try. Even if your life is wrapped in some kind of restricting bondage, physical handicaps, desperate situations, addiction, heartache, loneliness, pain inflicted by others...how you deal with whatever you face is always your personal choice, even if all you can control is your attitude.
Pornography hurts, period.
When those you love choose to become involved with it, the consequences of those choices are far-reaching whether or not they know it. When those you love are caught in its trap, often without realizing how strong the chains have become you must understand you cannot free their bondage. Despite how you see it hurting them, affecting their lives, the very person they are, you have to gather your courage and step back. You have to let go and let God.
You can't monitor their every waking moment, you cannot set up barriers to strong for them to break. You cannot control their choices or actions no matter how hard you try. It is a battle you don't have the power to end. The white flag is in their hands. If you try you will run yourself ragged, bang your head until it is exploding in pain and possibly become consumed with trying to "save" them from themselves.
The peace you can find doesn't have to wait if or until their addiction ends. Doesn't have to wait until the relationship you care so deeply about is restored whole--that might never happen. The peace can come, despite what the outcome is, if you place the burden you are trying to carry at the feet of the only One who has the strength to bear it.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
There is no peace, greater than that.
Do you ever wake up in the morning after a long rest and feel tired? Tired because your worries and concerns about things in your life are weighing you down? Do we add the burdens of others to our already heavy load?
Everyone is born into this world with the gift of agency. No one can take it away even if they try. Even if your life is wrapped in some kind of restricting bondage, physical handicaps, desperate situations, addiction, heartache, loneliness, pain inflicted by others...how you deal with whatever you face is always your personal choice, even if all you can control is your attitude.
Pornography hurts, period.
When those you love choose to become involved with it, the consequences of those choices are far-reaching whether or not they know it. When those you love are caught in its trap, often without realizing how strong the chains have become you must understand you cannot free their bondage. Despite how you see it hurting them, affecting their lives, the very person they are, you have to gather your courage and step back. You have to let go and let God.
You can't monitor their every waking moment, you cannot set up barriers to strong for them to break. You cannot control their choices or actions no matter how hard you try. It is a battle you don't have the power to end. The white flag is in their hands. If you try you will run yourself ragged, bang your head until it is exploding in pain and possibly become consumed with trying to "save" them from themselves.
The peace you can find doesn't have to wait if or until their addiction ends. Doesn't have to wait until the relationship you care so deeply about is restored whole--that might never happen. The peace can come, despite what the outcome is, if you place the burden you are trying to carry at the feet of the only One who has the strength to bear it.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
There is no peace, greater than that.
October 1, 2008
It doesn't matter if you're a gorgeous model...
Originally posted September 22, 2008 by Luke Gilkerson at http://covenanteyes.com
What do Christie Brinkley, Sara Evans and Tea Leoni all have in common? All of them are high profile celebrities. All of them have international notoriety for their physical beauty.
And all of them are / have been married to alleged porn addicts.
Often the wives of men who regularly look at porn will write to us and ask “What’s wrong with me?” This is a cutting question that is difficult to answer in the midst of a highly emotional situation. Often these women are convinced that if they were simply prettier or met a certain physical standard, their husbands wouldn’t be drawn to porn. Often women get these impressions directly from their husbands.
But the stories of these celebrities demonstrate otherwise. Peter Cook, Brinkley’s ex-husband, spent $3000 on his Internet porn addiction. Craig Schelske, Evans’ ex-husband, was accused of frequently watching pornography at home. And recently, actor David Duchovny, Leoni’s husband, has checked himself into a rehabilitation clinic for his Internet porn addiction.
Marrying the next top model will not entice a man away from his porn addiction. This is because a fixation on pornography is not merely a fixation on a certain type of physical beauty. To be sure: pornography does condition a man (or woman) to objectify others, to rate them according to the size, shape, and harmony of their body parts. But pornography addiction is a multi-layered problem:
1. A Fixation on Variety and Novelty
The human brain loves novelty. When we experience a new pleasing image or sensation, our bodies release an extra dose of pleasure-producing chemicals. This is a built-in mechanism that encourages us to experience and explore new things. The other side of the coin is that most stimuli become less attractive to us as they become familiar or predictable. We know this from experience in all areas of life.
Pornography is cleverly packaged and presented sexual novelty—especially Internet pornography. Each new picture or video clip promises a new sensation. Each link presents a virtually endless road marked with thousands of women in thousands of pornographic scenarios. People who have gone down the road of Internet porn and found themselves trapped are not just drawn to the images, but they are also drawn to the variety of images.
Think about it this way: Why don’t most guys just log on, find one image of a woman they find appealing, and be done with it? Why keep searching and searching? Why spend hours online? Because it’s not just about finding something that sexually stimulates: it’s about the search; it’s about the options. They’ve just walked into a virtual brothel where they have their pick of the litter. Those addicted to Internet porn can confess to this: when they log on, they aren’t looking for sexual release right away. They will prolong the searching as long as they can.
2. A Fixation on Fantasy
The human brain is also wired for relationships. When a mother first holds her newborn baby or when lovers first hold hands, the hormones vasopressin and oxytocin are released. These serve as social bonding hormones.
When a man views pornography these same hormones are released (along with a soup of other pleasure chemicals, such as testosterone, dopamine and serotonin). In other words, the brain is tricked into thinking it is having a sexual encounter and doesn’t know the difference. As a result, the man begins to literally “bond” to the pornographic images rather than to another person.
When a man has spent considerable time in the world of Internet pornography, he has essentially trained his body to respond to fantasy images instead of bonding and connecting with real people (such as his wife). It is an easy road to start down. Relationships can be complicated: they involve truly knowing, caring for, and serving another person at the expense of our own desires. Even when a man shares a pleasurable sex-life with his wife, the offer of pornography can still be appealing because it offers a shortcut to sexual release without the hassle of interaction.
Pornography offers a man a world of fantasy rather than interaction, pixels rather than a heart-to-heart connection with another person.
3. A Fixation on Self
Ultimately, any addiction is a fixation on self—something that drives a person to throw away things and relationships that are otherwise important to him in order to have the desired sensation.
For some men pornography is an endless search for ego-fulfillment. Somewhere in their minds they believe the age-old lie that a man is only worth the beautiful women he can win. The pornographic images provide a canvas for him to paint his personal fantasies: he can picture himself as the one enticing these picture-perfect women. Underneath his porn addiction is a deeper addiction: his perceived need to be validated by these women.
For some men pornography is like a medication they take to cope with unresolved emotional pain: Loneliness, failure and fear; and when a man doesn’t want to face these emotions with raw honesty, he will seek to drown them in other activities or experiences. More than likely, he isn’t even aware of these deep-seeded emotions, but the sexually stimulating rush of watching pornography can provide a powerful escape.
No matter the underlying motive, the draw of pornography is caused by a fixation on self: a perceived need to always “feel good” or comforted, to feel important or attractive, or wanted or rewarded.
Getting to the Root of the Problem
If you are a woman married to a man who compulsively uses pornography, one of the best things you can do for yourself is acknowledge that you are not the root of the problem. One of the best things he can do for himself and for his marriage is to start getting to the REAL the roots of the problem.
In reality, his porn addiction is only a symptom of a much deeper problem. There are no quick fixes. Turning from a long-term addiction will involve (1) realizing and confessing deeper sins, and (2) resolving to root out these issues for the long haul.
To read more articles like this go to: http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog
What do Christie Brinkley, Sara Evans and Tea Leoni all have in common? All of them are high profile celebrities. All of them have international notoriety for their physical beauty.
And all of them are / have been married to alleged porn addicts.
Often the wives of men who regularly look at porn will write to us and ask “What’s wrong with me?” This is a cutting question that is difficult to answer in the midst of a highly emotional situation. Often these women are convinced that if they were simply prettier or met a certain physical standard, their husbands wouldn’t be drawn to porn. Often women get these impressions directly from their husbands.
But the stories of these celebrities demonstrate otherwise. Peter Cook, Brinkley’s ex-husband, spent $3000 on his Internet porn addiction. Craig Schelske, Evans’ ex-husband, was accused of frequently watching pornography at home. And recently, actor David Duchovny, Leoni’s husband, has checked himself into a rehabilitation clinic for his Internet porn addiction.
Marrying the next top model will not entice a man away from his porn addiction. This is because a fixation on pornography is not merely a fixation on a certain type of physical beauty. To be sure: pornography does condition a man (or woman) to objectify others, to rate them according to the size, shape, and harmony of their body parts. But pornography addiction is a multi-layered problem:
1. A Fixation on Variety and Novelty
The human brain loves novelty. When we experience a new pleasing image or sensation, our bodies release an extra dose of pleasure-producing chemicals. This is a built-in mechanism that encourages us to experience and explore new things. The other side of the coin is that most stimuli become less attractive to us as they become familiar or predictable. We know this from experience in all areas of life.
Pornography is cleverly packaged and presented sexual novelty—especially Internet pornography. Each new picture or video clip promises a new sensation. Each link presents a virtually endless road marked with thousands of women in thousands of pornographic scenarios. People who have gone down the road of Internet porn and found themselves trapped are not just drawn to the images, but they are also drawn to the variety of images.
Think about it this way: Why don’t most guys just log on, find one image of a woman they find appealing, and be done with it? Why keep searching and searching? Why spend hours online? Because it’s not just about finding something that sexually stimulates: it’s about the search; it’s about the options. They’ve just walked into a virtual brothel where they have their pick of the litter. Those addicted to Internet porn can confess to this: when they log on, they aren’t looking for sexual release right away. They will prolong the searching as long as they can.
2. A Fixation on Fantasy
The human brain is also wired for relationships. When a mother first holds her newborn baby or when lovers first hold hands, the hormones vasopressin and oxytocin are released. These serve as social bonding hormones.
When a man views pornography these same hormones are released (along with a soup of other pleasure chemicals, such as testosterone, dopamine and serotonin). In other words, the brain is tricked into thinking it is having a sexual encounter and doesn’t know the difference. As a result, the man begins to literally “bond” to the pornographic images rather than to another person.
When a man has spent considerable time in the world of Internet pornography, he has essentially trained his body to respond to fantasy images instead of bonding and connecting with real people (such as his wife). It is an easy road to start down. Relationships can be complicated: they involve truly knowing, caring for, and serving another person at the expense of our own desires. Even when a man shares a pleasurable sex-life with his wife, the offer of pornography can still be appealing because it offers a shortcut to sexual release without the hassle of interaction.
Pornography offers a man a world of fantasy rather than interaction, pixels rather than a heart-to-heart connection with another person.
3. A Fixation on Self
Ultimately, any addiction is a fixation on self—something that drives a person to throw away things and relationships that are otherwise important to him in order to have the desired sensation.
For some men pornography is an endless search for ego-fulfillment. Somewhere in their minds they believe the age-old lie that a man is only worth the beautiful women he can win. The pornographic images provide a canvas for him to paint his personal fantasies: he can picture himself as the one enticing these picture-perfect women. Underneath his porn addiction is a deeper addiction: his perceived need to be validated by these women.
For some men pornography is like a medication they take to cope with unresolved emotional pain: Loneliness, failure and fear; and when a man doesn’t want to face these emotions with raw honesty, he will seek to drown them in other activities or experiences. More than likely, he isn’t even aware of these deep-seeded emotions, but the sexually stimulating rush of watching pornography can provide a powerful escape.
No matter the underlying motive, the draw of pornography is caused by a fixation on self: a perceived need to always “feel good” or comforted, to feel important or attractive, or wanted or rewarded.
Getting to the Root of the Problem
If you are a woman married to a man who compulsively uses pornography, one of the best things you can do for yourself is acknowledge that you are not the root of the problem. One of the best things he can do for himself and for his marriage is to start getting to the REAL the roots of the problem.
In reality, his porn addiction is only a symptom of a much deeper problem. There are no quick fixes. Turning from a long-term addiction will involve (1) realizing and confessing deeper sins, and (2) resolving to root out these issues for the long haul.
To read more articles like this go to: http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog
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